The thing is…

…wherever you go, there you are. TJ (Caitlin) calls me The Ruiner, and it’s a title that I hold with pride. IYKYK. However, noticing racism, ableism, sexism and other oppressions takes a toll. TJ and I went on a cruise, y’all, and I had no idea what to expect. Neither one of us has ever done it, but this was our idea of a vacation that combined travel with a special interest, so we decided to go for it.

I’m not sure why I was surprised to find that this floating hotel was a small microcosm of the US. Or maybe a slice of rich mostly United Statesians. Yes, there were people there from other places, but we mostly ran into yt people from the US. Also, if you are looking for the highlights, you’ll have to scroll to the picture at the bottom.

The whole trip started out rocky because they (the cruise line AND the Star Trek folks) refused to make the printed material accessible to Caitlin. All they had to do was email her the things! I know that those documents exist in e-form, because they were printed out and left in our rooms every day. I’m guessing they were printed before we left shore, so they could have, in theory, emailed her everything before we left. Yes, I know things can change, but they could have said, This is how things stand right now, and the schedule is subject to change. It’s not that hard. And I suspect that kind of accommodation would be helpful for many people, not just blindies.

And speaking of accommodations – I saw a number of so-called service dogs on the boat. I know, I know, there’s no way to tell from over where I am what those dogs were there to do. There are MANY ways a dog can provide a service that I would not be able to see. That said, I saw several that I had serious doubts about. The thing is, if I had doubts, other people also had doubts. I’m not saying people cannot have their service dogs with them. At all. But there are people who game the system and convince someone that their dog qualifies. If that dog then behaves badly, it makes it that much harder for people with actual service dogs to get access later.

Meanwhile….colonizer vibes were everywhere. Almost all of the people working on the ship were BIPOC. Wait staff, cleaners, stewards and cooks, all BIPOC and working with a level of invisibility that I found super uncomfortable. Passengers (mostly yt) walked past them without a word, so much so that when we greeted people they seemed surprised that we noticed them. We heard one woman tell the wait staff that he needed to have his eyes checked, and asked if he was blind because he jokingly told her he needed to see her ID when she ordered wine. I met someone just before the trip who had worked on cruises before and they told me that they don’t make much money and that tips would likely be appreciated – but twice employees told us that the tip was too high, and tried to give it back.

The whole thing was extremely wasteful, too. Given that the food is included, I knew there would be waste, but it was more than I imagined. We made it to breakfast just once (it was a vacation, y’all. Don’t judge) and as we were going out I saw a man scooping yogurt out of the cup and into a bucket. Straight to the trash. I get it, once they’ve put them into those cups with fruit, they can’t save them for the next day, but there were another dozen cups waiting for him. Every day I saw many people leaving piles of food on the table as they left the dining area.

The steward was prepared to change our towels twice a day! And sheets once a day. I told him that wasn’t necessary for us, but walking down the corridor our room was on I saw people removing piles of towels and linens from the same rooms every day.

Image shows TJ gleefully petting a dolphin. She was the only one in our group that got to tickle a dolphin and the resulting vocalizations were awesome.

All of these things are present in my everyday life – but on a boat out in the middle of the ocean – there was no respite. I loved being able to spend pretty much every minute with TJ. I was happy to watch her enjoy the Wave Rider and go down the water slide. I enjoyed some panels and Tim Russ jamming with his band. We got to hang out with dolphins which, while also fraught, was a fantastic experience. We walked around holding hands for hours every day. We read and talked and laughed. I love her dearly and appreciated every minute of our time together. AND I was VERY ready to get off that boat at the end of the trip. TJ and I really have co-created a life that I love, and I feel fortunate for every minute of it.